Mellow.com

I told God about you

I told him about your groggy voice when you wake up,how you blink your eyes twice before you fully open your eyes,how you stretch your arms,how my heart melts when you tell me to scoot over so you can brush your teeth

I told him how you like your coffee with two spoons of sugar,how you dislike eggs in the morning and prefer boiled sweet potatoes.
I also talked to him about your laughter,that booms lighting up my inner world

I told God about your anger,how you left eye twitches,how they turn crimson red and your hand forms a fist,and your veins bulge. I told him about the insults you lash to me. How you call me cheap when I bargained the price of a bra,how you call me a whore for hugging your friends

I can’t write down everything you’ve ever done,because these people don’t need to know everything.
But I remember you cooked my favorite dish,when my cramps came knocking,how you did all the house chores alone

But I thank the Almighty for giving me a chance to love you,and a chance to be loved by you. Like how I twisted my ankle and you carried me bridal style from the mall till we reached home,like how you visited my mother and did her shopping without even telling me.
But am leaving you. Am scared that if I love you too much,I might loose you. And am scared of you…

If you are lost and can’t find your way back
Remember,i have got your back

When you choke
And can’t breathe
Just make your way to me

When you are lonely
And feel unloved.
Am one call away

Cry it out
Tell me about your past
About the mistakes you did
And how you regret them
And how you tried to correct them
I will help you forget them

Tell me about your dreams
And how many they were
And the obstacles that hundred them
I will help you fulfill them

Tell me about the heartbreaks
And the pillows you soaked with tears
And the glasses you broke
I will be there
To comfort you
And cheer you

But if anyone asks
If you ever met a person
Who cared for someone
So loving and cheerful

I hope you think of me.

The dying young generation
Without no one to call onto
Suicide trips touring in their minds
What went wrong
Where did we go wrong
Were we cursed??
The shoulder we try to lean on,is the same one that shoves us away
The people we expect to appreciate us,are the same ones that condemn us
Regrets and shame flashing like a bright torch and piercing our eyes
Putting pressure doesn’t mean you’ll get the best results
We are like the boiling milk. One look away,and the milk spills
Murder cases,suicide cases in the most terrifying ways
The truth lying behind closed doors,no one to unveil them
A moment of silence,to those who left us before,and a moment of silence to us staring on the floor

Nilidhani ni Mimi pekee ndo sina rafiki
Kumbe all of them wanajiona wanafiki
So when I tell you am busy
Just know things are not easy
Kukaa peke angu church ifika afternoon service
Si choice yangu,nivile nakuanga kwa me service
So ukiniona natalk alone
Leave me alone
Coz am in a serious meeting
With I, me and myself
But ukiona nimeanza kuargue hadi nikadisrespect myself
Unaeza kam between uokoe I and me
Juu arguments zinalead to disagreements which accelerate fights na huenda I and me tukadevelop chuki in the end
Nikisema you are my friend just know you will always be in my mind
Nikiwa kwa shida usikuwe bitter
Help me out juu two brains can solve out
an issue
But after yote enye tumepass through
Unanigeukia then unanistab my back tu
Sa mbona uaccept ibilisi kucut through
Na yeye ndo anafaidika
Sisi tukiharibika
So let me be the motivational speaker
Na muongeze volume kwa speaker
Message yangu ikiwa
A friend in need is a friend indeed
Kumbe ata vice versa inamek sense
A friend indeed is a friend in need
Lakini kwa hii newest generation
Friends ni wenye watakuja graduation
And leave you when in a situation
Ukiona sina kitunguu
Beware vitu ni ngumu
I know naka msee haezi kosa kitu
But wahenga walinena wakasema mgoje chini aliye juu
So nimeshuka stairs
Waiting for someone to care
It seems ni chumvi ndo inacare
Coz living with me is a dare

It breaks my heart kuskia ulimove on
Huku mimi bado nasmell your cologne
Ulisema nilikimya
but reality ni I was trying to make things familiar
I wish ningekubali mapema
before wewe na yeye mkue a major
Hii heartpain imefanya nisisonge mbele
coz every time nakuona wewe
Ata nikitry kulala
your smiling images zinaspread kwa mind yangu ka bush fire
Anyway,si walisema ni life….
Na pia wakaniambia nigange yajayo
and I hope hawa wahenga hawajanivako
juu nimengoja sana
kutake things higher
coz am 100% lonely
na nimechoka kuphrase kila kitu on me
Request yangu…
kwa watu wangu…
mnieke in prayers,niende na nitumie the right formula,kumeasure the right length
Ndio nipate the right area to determine the possible circumference using the right angle so that nifall for the right angel….

I thought it was love
When he texted me

I thought it was love
When he hugged me leaving me to smell his sweet cologne

I thought it was love
When he threw his arm over my shoulder

I thought it was love
When he would leave his crew just to sit with me

I thought it was love
When he confessed having a crush on me

I thought it was love
When he asked for a sleepover, things got spicy and everything went down

Only to realise I was so much obsessed with this called love
Such that I didn’t know it was a bet
Whoever invented this cruel stuff,is screwing our lives

Giving false hopes
What’s the point of playing someone
Ruining someone’s ego
How I wish I would have seen the end of the tunnel

Now he has another one
And the bet continues…

Wish you would feel the same way

But I try to hide it

The guy

Tall with a baby face

Few threads on your chin

Full rough pink lips

Your presence makes me smile

Your captivating eyes are welcoming

Allow me to know you better

Tame you like my pet

Decorate you like my house

Hide you like my secret

It pains me that you are with them

I won’t give up

Maybe now or never

Things change

I know you wouldn’t text

But seeing you online

Gives me hope

I can’t,I cannot, I can’t bear it anymore
Pretending to be okay,that we are okay
Yet when confined within the four walls
You show out your beast

I can’t continue to hide them
The scars you leave every night
Covering them with makeup
Telling my friend I fell over the fence

I can’t give you again
Destroying was not part of the deal
Your was mine and mine was yours
But you,you are selfish

I can’t keep quiet
I was born without a zip in my mouth
But you make my screams come out in muffled forms

I can’t stay
I wanna go,I wanna have my part
See the outside world
See beyond my cell
And see if I can come back to you…

Its the scariest thing ever

To love someone completely and not have them love you back.

But for some reason,I had convinced myself that things will change and I hold on.

Slowly,am suffocating on the inside, so much,that I do not know how to be without the pain.

My moments of happiness gets reduced to accidental glances,fake smiles and light pecks on my forehead when no one is looking.

Which begs the question…when will I ever learn?

And the fear takes over

Begins to be your defining feeling

Scared that it is happening all again such that there’s nothing you could do.

As they say it,’the heart wants what it wants’ well if you ask me ,the heart is spoilt. It needs to pull itself together before screwing lives over.

A future with him,growing old with him: my fake dreams or maybe should I say illusions, then reality hits me that he does not love me back. And that the only option is going for the impossible or unavailable people just so I can prove a point to myself.

Instead of taking a step forward,I sit through it like an idiot.

And have you ever thought that through this,maybe you’d never let yourself be loved. Cause it’d be a new experience and it would scare you even more to be loved back….